I am Mom’s first dog. She says I am a challenge and a pain and a joy. Almost every day, Mom says there is something she did not know about dogs until she got me and I started to grow. She loves me I am a pain I like to run I am a pain. Mom likes to look into my eyes and talk to me and she likes when I cock my head and seem to listen and I am cute. I run. I am a pain in the ass I think that is good because Mom says that then she hugs me and says it again. In the car we look at each other Mom says it is dangerous roads curve she cannot look in my eyes. I put my head on the CD holder armrest thing I sleep, Mom puts her hand on my eyes to stop the sun she loves me.
Mom says she did not know these things because she never had a dog:
- Dogs are a pain, more than Mom imagined, I think I am more than Mom bargained for I am special
- Puppies gain 40 pounds in 3 months they pull on the leash it is dangerous, I am big and strong I run
- I run I need a job I run I am fast I run
- Puppy needle teeth fall out in the house, Dad put them on the table Mom said “disgusting” those teeth are gone they were sharp but now I have big white teeth I get new teeth every week they are different
- Puppies poop like grown men every day sometimes more it stinks it takes time
- Every night some animal takes my poop, Mom and Dad like that they said it sure makes things easy maybe some animal gets nutrition they are not sure I don’t know nutritions yet it sounds good
- I am into decaying animals it it bad I stink It means a bath and consequences, Mom and Dad get mad they say I am inconvenient
- I want to run all the time I run I go see Daisy 2 when I get out Mom and Dad put a double lock on the gate I ate a plant Dracena, Mom thought it froze it looked bad I ate it that is why it looked bad
I got in trouble this week and I started school I went to daycare I will tell you later.
You know why? Because that giant 50 pound cat-chasing idiot is IN IT today. That means Rory Gallagher has full run of the place without being chased by the monster. I am Rory Gallagher, a fine cat. This is me in Dad’s trailer. Cute, yes? Mom says I have pumpkin pie eyes because they are orange-y brown like that pie. I took Takoda’s password so I could write this. He won’t like it but I don’t care.
My brother-cat is Amos, he is 14 or 15 so he sleeps a lot. He hates the dog even more than I do. Takoda ruined our lives. Takoda thinks Amos and I belong in the bedroom so he chases us back every time we try to go into the living room. He eats our food, too. He inhales a bowl of crunchiness like it is air. He is a glutton. A pig. A smelly dog.
Amos is brave, he is a fighter.
He will face off with that dog and hiss and scratch his nose. Amos won’t let Takoda in our room, he has that dog in his place. I hide behind Amos whenever I can. Why should I risk this face if I can hide behind Amos the Warrior?
Takoda likes to chase me, I hate him. He is nuts. It was bad enough when I had to face off with hens, they were intimidating, but I was not afraid. Mom and Dad say Takoda just wants to play. That may be, but he wants to play “eat the kitty” so I have to be very, very cautious. Stealthy. Sneaky. Prepared at all times. I stay outside and catch mice and voles all day. I watch Takoda from the tall grass I know all there is to know and he is too dumb to figure it out. I see his every move.
Amos and I get to sleep in the bed with Mom and Dad. I like to play at 4:30 a.m. No one else does. Takoda has to stay in the living room. That’s good, otherwise I would have to watch him all night. I can’t be everywhere all the time. I have work to do. I want to learn to open the gate to let the dog out so he will get lost. I watch how it’s done, if I had thumbs this would all be over. At least we have doggie daycare.